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At times, Jay Spring is convinced he is “the greatest person on planet Earth”. Living with narcissistic personality disorder, his grandiose moments can become “really delusional”, he states. “You are on cloud nine and you tell yourself, ‘People will see that I’m better than them … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

In his case, these phases of exaggerated self-worth are usually succeeded by a “crash”, during which he feels sensitive and self-conscious about his actions, making him especially susceptible to criticism from those around him. He came to wonder he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after looking up his traits through digital sources – and eventually evaluated by a clinician. However, he doubts he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t previously arrived at that realization personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he notes – particularly if they feel feelings of superiority. “They’re in a delusional world that they’ve built up. And in that mindset, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining NPD

Though people have been called narcissists for decades, it’s not always clear what the term implies the diagnosis. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” states an expert in narcissism, who believes the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he believes many people conceal it, because of significant negative perception linked to the condition. A narcissist will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to bolster one’s self-esteem through actions such as seeking admiration,” the expert explains. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he adds.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in NPD Presentation

Though three-quarters of people diagnosed with NPD are men, research indicates this number does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is frequently manifests in the less obvious variety, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, as with everything in society,” explains an individual who discusses her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. It is not uncommon, the two disorders are comorbid.

First-Hand Experiences

It’s hard for me with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she shares, “because if I hear that I am at fault, I either go into self-protection or I completely shut down.” Despite having this response – which is known as “narcissistic injury”, she has been working to manage it and take advice from her support system, as she aims to avoid falling into the negative conduct of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners during adolescence,” she reveals. With professional help, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she explains she and her significant other “have a dynamic where I told him, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, when I use toxic language, address it {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up mainly in the care of her father and says she lacked supportive figures in her youth. It’s been a process of understanding continuously the difference between acceptable versus unacceptable to say in conflicts because I lacked that guidance as a kid,” she shares. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were insulting me during my childhood.”

Root Causes of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be associated with early life adversity. “There is a genetic component,” explains a mental health specialist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “tied to that individual’s particular early environment”. Those traits were “a coping mechanism in some ways to manage during childhood”, he continues, when they may have been neglected, or only shown love that was based on meeting specific standards. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the NPD-diagnosed people, John (a pseudonym) thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The 38-year-old shares when he was a child, “their needs came first and their work and their social life. So it was like, keep your distance.” When their they engaged with him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve academic success and life achievements, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “acceptable.

In adulthood, none of his relationships ever worked out. I didn’t truly value about anyone really,” he states. Therefore, I never treated relationships seriously.” He believed he wasn’t loving someone, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is diagnosed with BPD, so, like him, finds it hard to manage feelings. She is “very supportive of the thoughts that occur in my head”, he explains – it was in fact, her who originally considered he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

After a visit to his doctor, John was referred to a mental health professional for an evaluation and was informed of his condition. He has been put forward for talking therapy through national services (extended treatment is the primary approach that has been demonstrated to benefit NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the treatment delay for an extended period: “They said it is likely to occur early next year.”

Disclosure was limited to a few individuals about his NPD diagnosis, because “there’s a big stigma that all narcissists are abusers”, but, personally, he has accepted it. This understanding allows me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he comments. All of the people have come to terms with NPD and are pursuing treatment for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the presence of individuals sharing their stories and the expansion of virtual networks point to {more narcissists|a growing number